A bug crawled across his face, waking
him up.
"All right, all right. I'm up.
Jesus." He wasn't sure who Jesus was, since he was the only living human
in the Universe; it just seemed like the right thing to say. The bug crawled
across his face every morning around this time, so he never overslept. He
wasn't sure what would happen if he did
oversleep, since he didn't have a job. He rolled over to check the alarm clock
by his nightstand. But there was no alarm clock. Or nightstand. Or time.
The bug was hungry. Adam found a
large bright green leaf, picked it up off the ground, blew off the dirt that
had accumulated on it, and set it in front of his bug friend. Why the insect
couldn't find his own damned food was beyond him. But his was not to question
the ways of the Universe.
He needed to get dressed and start
his day. The garden needed watering, and it wasn't like anyone else was going
to do it. He opened the top drawer of his bureau, which was full of several
different versions of the same piece of clothing: A leaf, like the one he just
fed the bug, with a vine tied in a large loop through it. There was really no
need for clothing, since modesty was a thing of the future. No, this wasn't out
of modesty at all. This was totally utilitarian, to keep the sheep from
nobbling at his privates. He had made several hundred versions of these leaf
clothes , mostly out of boredom, and on the last few, he figured out how to
make the knot adjustable in case he gained or lost weight. There were plenty of
animals for him to slaughter, so he never had
to go hungry, but it was a giant pain to have to constantly kill the animals,
prepare them, and cook them, every single day. So some days he went without
eating and lost a little weight. Fruits and vegetables were abundant, but they
did very little to keep the weight on. Plus, he was getting pretty sick of the
lack of variety.
One food he was curious about was the
Fruit that hung from the special tree in the center of the garden. He was very
tempted to eat one, just to see what it tasted like, since it looked delicious.
But God said no. He was never sure why God said no. Something about how the
tree possessed knowledge, and if he ate the fruits that blossomed from it, he
would suddenly know things. At first it all sounded a little like science
fiction to him, and a lot like bullshit. And so what if he did know things?
What was the harm in that? But who was he to question God? Soon, however, he
began to believe that maybe there was some truth to this knowledge thing after
all. He often caught one of the goats eating a fallen Fruit from the Tree, and
he was beginning to believe that the goat was becoming smarter than him. It had
even learned how to walk on its hind legs, and was beginning to speak Arabic.
This seemed a little too close to evolution, and he was quite surprised that
God didn't put a stop to that right away. If this kept up, soon the monkeys may
start turning into people. And that was some real messed up stuff. He stared at
the Tree. Some day he was going to eat one of those Fruits. He'd be damned if
he was going to be outwitted by a goat.
He stood at the edge of his garden,
watering it. And a very large garden it was. Although large compared to what,
he wasn't quite sure. There were fig trees and pear trees, juniper bushes and
blueberry bushes. He would have been quite proud of it, were pride not a sin.
It was beautiful, if he did say so himself, and he took great pains to make it
that way. If any visitors did show up, they would be greeted with the most
amazing sights and intoxicating smells. He had enough to feed an army, and it
was a shame to let this all be for nothing. He couldn't help but feel that it
was all quite wasteful. No matter; it wasn't he that was wasting it. It was
whomever created this garden. Was that a sin to think that? He hoped not. So
far, he was without sin, and he wished to keep it that way.
He had never been far enough out into
the garden to lose sight of his own hut, so he had no idea just how massive it
was. He had plenty to eat all around him, and there was no need to venture out
any farther. But he was sure there was more to see way out there. More delights
and wonderments that he hadn't discovered yet. So why not? He was curious, as
well as bored. He was hoping curiosity and boredom weren't sins; he couldn't
wait until God came out with a list or handbook or something.
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